Tag Archives: writing

Stepping Forward in Shit

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Life can be a real sour cunt, you know that?

I’ll warn you now. I’m gonna bitch and moan and have meaningful insight all in this motherfucker, so if you’re bored already, stop reading. Still here? What’s wrong with you? Anyway, the world will shit on you, disappoint you, wear you out and fuck you up. And it’s not just big things. You’d be surprised how often a little bump in the path can totally throw someone off the deep edge. Definitely a “straw that broke the camel’s back” situation. These past few weeks have been very tough for many people. Saying that, these last few decades have been very rough for some people. Many people, so as much as I want to bitch and moan about how annoying my life can be, I don’t. I don’t because there are others out there that would love to have my life.

Am I grateful? Sometimes. Sometimes I just want to smash anyone that looks at me cockeyed. Other times, I want to set myself ablaze and stand unflinching in a shopping mall, never screaming as people watch in horror as I amble towards them. Sometimes I want to be feared. Hated. Respected. Powerful. I feel my fists clench, my jaw tighten, and my patience wear thin, and a familiar burning resentment towards others that I envy boils up from my core, spills over, and all I want to do is shit all over the world and watch it burn down with me.

Looking for a positive turnaround paragraph? Nope. Not here. I guess you could say that this is a more…jaded and cynical part of my life, or more accurately, week. Usually edged with sarcasm to fake my own intelligence, but let’s just say what this shit boils down to. Jealousy. I am jealous. Competitive. I always have been. I don’t mind if my wife talks to other men. Kisses them, hugs them, fuck even flirts with them. Because I trust her. But every drop of testosterone I own in this haggard carcass surges right from my balls and into my brain when I see someone else trying to make a move on her. I am jealous of others that have more than me, have less than me (by choice), are smarter than me, stronger than me, all sorts of stupid mortal-based petty bullshit that now as I write, feels like angsty emo horseshit. Perhaps I need to save me from myself while I cut myself to feel because I’ve been asleep so long that I need someone to save me.

Or perhaps this is just a rough patch, and I need to get over myself and be happy for what I have, and what I can create. Anger and frustration are a part of life, and I certainly don’t help my situation with personality. I hide behind a wall of sarcasm and faux intelligence to hide what I am: Jealous, angry, and resentful. Secretive and obsessive. Hateful. Intense. And at times? Ignorant.

Do I want pity? Fuck no. What do I want? Fuck if I know. Or no. Don’t care. Most of the time. Sometimes?

Twisted Emotions Change Books

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These last few weeks have been…trying. I make no apologizes for the things I’ve neglected. Including myself and this blog, my mind has been elsewhere. Sandy shoved a fist in many people’s holes last week, and fortunately, all she did to me and my wife was some light BDSM. Needless to say, I’ve been elsewhere.

I have been writing though. But I’ve noticed something more and more as I progress in life and work on books and other pieces. My emotions and state of mind drastically alter what happens in my books, and what I’m willing to do to the reader and/or characters. Maybe I’m just having a little dick power trip, maybe I’m an artist, I don’t fuckin’ care/know. All I know is I want to write more when I’m in the shit, and what I write gets affected.

Violence and cruelty show up more in my work. I also notice an inability to write good dialogue, and a nagging itch to get to the next action sequence, or fight. Good moods produce good dialogue and shitty storytelling sometimes. Bad moods cut straight to the chase. I am a man of little patience and low self worth, so maybe it’s my own pathetic way of bullying a situation into something I can dominate and have control over. Hell, as long as what I write is good, who cares?

That’s not for me to judge. Is it?

Often I wonder what “famous” books would have turned out like if the author was a different person, or pissed off when writing a certain chapter. Often I wonder if book would have been better, or worse. Often I wonder…too often. What does your storytelling tell you?

 

Final Concept Art for Spek- Totem Sledge

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Hello again.
Just finished my new character Spek’s main weapon- the totem sledge.  Here’s the pic, and the explanation will be below:

Okay, so a totem sledge is a special ritualistic weapon that is very typical in Groar culture (at roughly 300-500 lbs, only a Groar can wield it anyway.). It can mean many things to many different Groars. Sometimes, a single totem sledge can mean one thing to a group, or many things for all Groars. Think of it as an ambiguous symbol of authority, or an abstract book. Anyway, dominant and powerful Groars typically  have the most grand totem sledges, adorn and well made. As ornate as some can get, make no mistake. It can be torn off the mantle and used to smash the owner’s enemies. Typically, a family can have a totem sledge (like a coat of arms), or a city, or a tribe, or a village, etc.

If there is a task that must be completed, sometimes Groars will use the totem sledge in said task. As a rule, totem sledges can be cleaned, but  not repaired. Scars and marks tell the weapon’s, and the owner’s tales, and the sign of a good totem sledge is one that can last for many many battles. When it breaks, a new totem sledge is often made from remains. But, a totem sledge can be created in any way an individual chooses.

Alright, that’s the end.

Final Concept Art: Spek

by in The Chronicles of Urth: Blestemul and tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Well, waiting for you shit sniffers to actually say something is like waiting for a slug to crawl out of my bowels, so I went ahead and did whatever the fuck I wanted to do. For those of you that are playing the home game, this is Spek, a new character that I created in the world of Urth. He’s a Groar, and an agent of an organization that strives to mix the cultures of City Groars (modern, socialized, organized) and Tribal Groars (secretive, wild, primitive) so that both “sects” of his people can learn and grow from one another. Here’s his picture:

Yeah, he dosen’t have balls cuz he’s pseudoreptilian. All his shit flops out of a cloaca.

I’m tired. That’s all for today.

Character Concept Art and More

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As I trudge through the swamps of Urth with my mind and mouth open, I decided that I’d like to introduce you to a character of mine. Well, two to be exact. I refer to Alistar and Kone and Jala a lot, but if you’re not reading the book, you’re prolly a lil’ lost. So I’ve decided that I want you to meet a few of my characters before we continue on. The first picture is a quick and rough sketch of Alistar Crowne, the main good guy in the novel. Take a look:

 

This is how I basically wanted him to look. He’s got muscle, but he’s definitely got fat, too. I wanted him to be imperfect. He gets winded. He get’s discouraged. He gets angry. I also changed his appearance a little more too. I didn’t want him to have dark hair any longer, so I changed it to dirty blonde. It’s also a little bit longer in the novel, and his frame is bigger. He’s more of a graceless bruiser than a agile duelist. I added a gut too because I have a gut, and I still get around. Except for the hair color and length, if you’re still doing the math, I modeled his figure after my own because well. It’s easier to understand and write about something that you live. I rarely make characters that are perfect. They always have a problem, or something they don’t like to talk about. Not a secret mind you (some do, some don’t), but something they’ve done that they’re ashamed of, or the like.

Another thing that can be important when developing a character regardless of what genre you find yourself in is giving dimension. There are many ways to give dimension to a character, such as hobbies, speech patterns, how they interact with the living beings around them, how they approach/solve problems, etc. My favorite way? Have a good character do something out of character. Like commit a rape, murder, or theft. Alistar has plenty of things he doesn’t like to talk about, but he does anyway because his personality, and his conscience, won’t let him stay silent. He’s boisterous, intelligent, and jovial. He can also be cruel, savage, and merciless. It’s all about dimension. Also, I like to illustrate what I find strong about the character obtusely. Try having them do something a certain way that forces readers to look inbetween the lines. Do you have any tricks or tips you could share? I’d love to hear em’, trust me. I’m always learning. Anyway, Alistar’s best buddy is a man named Konemies, or Kone for short. He’s an Ironsoul- an individual who is part machine, part organic lifeform. Here’s some concept art for this fine gentleman:

He and Alistar go way back, and because of Alistar’s less than subtle push for free reconstructive surgery after a particularly nasty occurrence, Kone has become more human than man. That also means he has a lot of tricks up his sleeve, such as night vision, GPS map overlay, numerous engineering, maintenance, and weapon attachments to his mechanical arm, and so on. He used to be a terrific engineer- truly gifted with knowing the intricacies of machines, computers, and electronics. Just because, however, he doesn’t do this as a formal job any more, doesn’t mean he doesn’t do it at all. He is truly a gearhead, both physically, and metaphorically. Because of everything Alistar and he have gone through, he will follow his buddy to the ends of the Urth and back. I was thinking of maybe having them maybe be together as a homosexual couple in their past, but I’m not sure if I wanna do that yet.

Last but not least, I thought it might be good to show you where this epic yarn will be taking place. Below is a map that details that starting area, and explains the total area, of where the story takes place. Right now, they are in the volcanic swamps just past the Great Gash Mountain Pass. Take a look:

This map is only a lil’ outdated. I’ve changed a few things around since I drew this thing, but the basic gist of it remains the same. Alright then, I’ve about had it for today. Tell me what you think, give me your comments, all that bullshit. Bye bye.

Swamps of the Damned and the Groar

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I’ve been waiting to write about this place all my life, to be honest. In one way or another, the next scene of my book was always going to be created because it was always a part of me. Our characters are navigating the darkest and most primeval swamps in this sector of Urth. Largely uncharted, it has one main path carved through it to the Groar capitol, and then on to Blunt on the other side (Blunt is a massive city in the book, think twice the size of NYC).

Bizarre creatures lurk within the black waters and foreboding shadows. Because of the dense canopy of vines, mosses, and leaves, it always looks like dusk inside the swamp until nightfall, where it is virtually pitch black. Cruel sentient creatures, called Lazgah, make their home in the swamps, along with a whole host of other deadly flora and fauna that make the entire place a huge deathtrap if you don’t have a guide to show you the way. Carnivorous plants, quicksand, deep fields of black tar-mud, active volcanoes, dangerous animals, bandits, smugglers, gangs, all take refuge in the unknown parts of the swamp. Here’s some art depicting some strange life forms our heroes will run across:

Lazgah weapons are at the top, but if you look at the lower right hand corner of the page, you’ll see a bizarre plant in bloom. Yes, those are teeth on its petals, and teeth line its massive saw palmetto like leaves down to the base of the plant. It grows between 7 to 8 feet from the base, but is not carnivorous. The teeth act as little tiny armor plates that help reenforce the tough outer skin of the thick and succulent petals.  To the left of the massive bloom, you’ll see plants that are a mix between amphibian and flowers. They are plants that utilize frog-like eyes, and are capable of watching things that pass by. They don’t really see too well, as they don’t have a brain, but basic visual data gets fed into the plant that tells it when to retreat its stalk, and when to stay vigilant. Don’t forget the massive snake, either. Huge and venomous. Think…anaconda with poison glands the size of gallon jugs. It not only bites, but constricts, making sure its prey dies quickly.
Our travelers also meet a Groar named Spek who helps them on their journey. Spek is a Groar that is on a mission to educate tribal Groars (individuals who live outside of the civilized world) in order to preserve their way of life, and to help understand life outside of the swamp. He’ll be showing up later in the story with a Totem Sledge, a special Groar weapon that is used in rituals, and it actual combat. It stands 6 feet tall, and weighs over 300 lbs. Take a look:

I also included a common Groar assault rifle, utilize a special cartridge that really tears into organic targets. Groar weapons are massive, powerful, and spectacularly ornate.

I’m fallin’ asleep I’m so tired. I’m gonna end this. As always you tight-lipped fucks, give me some feedback.

The Creature in the Mountain Pass

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I’ve reached a point in my story where I like to answer questions that the reader may have in an indirect way. I prefer to disguise these points in the ignorance of my characters. They ask the questions, and I find a way to answer them for everyone. It is annoying. It is not easy. And sometimes, it doesn’t work. But, when it does, it ties shit together nicely in a lil’ package I can call my own. Anyway, here’s the shit.

The characters of the story, Alistar, Jala, and Kone are all headed towards the next scene. And yes, I’m isolating those who read this by not explaining anything further on these characters, nor why they’re together, or what they’re doing. It’s on purpose. Anyway, they’re all headed towards the next scene, when Alistar gets separated from the group via a powerful and ancient being. The beast is never named, nor his species. He has fantastic powers and incredible stories to tell Alistar, many that validate humanity’s existence on the one in a billion shot we call Earth.

I wanted to create a being that didn’t make any sense. Creatures created out of the imagination are often based on things that we have seen before. Humanoid creatures, where eyes belong, head, tail, symmetry. You know. I thought in a different way. And I am not ashamed that I was inspired to break out of the way I normally create fictional beings because of Philip Pullman and his works.He created a species of creatures that defied symmetry and that’s what I sought out to do.

I tend to warp things. Twist them. The world is too normal, and it needs a dark slant, a sticky, sweaty mutation deep in the corners of the sane mind. So, I came out with this initially:

But that made too much sense. I decided to alter the creature more, and recently I came up with its final form. Take a look at this shit:

Much better. There is some symmetry, yes. But I mixed shit up in ways I had forgotten about. This being, this creature, is the link that provides a foundation for the rest of Alistar’s (the main character) motivations throughout the story. I had to make this fucker unique, and hopefully I didn’t fail.

What about you? Ever create somethingentirely out of your own head? Your own creature? Being? Race? I would love to know how you did it, and what it is. Don’t be shy. We’re all freaks here.

P.S.: This entry is short because I started to feel pompous when I was writing it. I wanted to stop my mind diarrhea before I started sounding like those I despise.

Deletion as a Freeing Edit Move

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I delete massive pieces of my work quite often.

I look back at what I wrote, and I find myself disgusted with my mediocrity. The way I remedy this is by removing myself from the piece and looking at it like I wasn’t its creator. I just wrote several pages of TCoU:B, and I realized they were all shit. I was bored reading them, and I was bored writing them. I was anxious to continue to the next part because I had set up the next part so well, but instead, I used a cheap cliffhanger trick that thousands of authors/writers (same?) use before me.

FUCK cliffhangers.

I deleted the shitty reading device and spat on its fuckin’ grave. I liquidated the filth from my body of work and watched it swirl the toilet bowl where shit belongs. I’m delving right back in where I want to be. Fuck, I figured if I as an author hated the cliffhanger I wrote, how would you feel if you read it? Undermined. Betrayed. Patronized. Belittled. Sometimes, delete. Don’t worry about rewriting, don’t worry about any of that shit. If something is garbage, throw it the FUCK out. Don’t give it a second chance. It’ll start to rot and stink, clouded and putrefying all the good writing you have done, and will do.

Anyway, the crew are headed to the story’s next scene, and they encounter a being that. Well. Why should I tell you?

I’ll post concept art of this being during the next post. As for plot details, I never reveal what I’m writing. I’ll always post concept art, how I arrived at certain conclusions or characters, but I don’t divulge anything else. I’m trying to decide if this practice is narcissistic, or ritualistic.

I’m tired of my own voice in my head so I’m gonna shut the fuck up now.

I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR MOTHERFUCKER

by in Geneslave and tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

YES.

I did it. I fuckin’ did it. Geneslave is now available for a delicious 2.99 dollar price tag in the vast wonders of Kindlespace. I just uploaded the bastard now (04 June 2012: 16:47hrs), so it won’t be available for about 12-24 hours or so, but who cares? I got over the bullshit in my head, and I published my fuckin’ book!

I am not bragging. I am just ecstatic.

If you decide to buy my book, you will roughly pay 0.000025 cents a word. I did the math, bitch! Honestly? I don’t care if I make five fuckin’ dollars on this sonfabitch, it’s published, and I did it without the help of a formal, tangible copy publishing house, literary agent, independent editor, or lawyer. It’s copyrighted, protected, and READY to FUCKIN’ GO. Open your Kindle, and search for Geneslave. That’s it. You can also go on Amazon.com to purchase as well. AND you can get a muthafuckin’ KINDLE APP to read this bastard. Do it however you want!

In case you haven’t noticed yet, this isn’t about the money. Never was. Money is icing. This was me conquering the literary industry, and spitting in the faces of those who would shun my book because I didn’t have a shiny award, or because I didn’t know someone on the inside. And this isn’t just a victory for me! Oh no. This is a victory for real writers like me EVERYWHERE that has faced the same problems I have. The best part was it was EASY to upload this bastard! Easy! Formatting it was hard as Hell, but getting on Kindle was a cinch!

If you’re ready to publish, click this link. Once you set up an account to publish your book with Kindle, you just fill out a simple form and upload yer shit! It’s like starting up an e-mail account. I love it. I give a step by step guide on formatting and getting your book ready for Kindle in the archives of my blog if you need it by the way.

With that said, YOU. You can do this. You, the writer, the artist, the creative one, you can do this dammit, you can do this, and you can do this well! Get published! There is no more reasons as to why you can’t anymore. Your fate, no, a writer’s fate, is now something that can be controlled by the writer, like it should be. Start writing that masterpiece! Start formatting and publishing that manuscript that some ass sniffing literary agent wouldn’t accept. Publish that book that the publishing house wouldn’t print. Get out there and fucking write you ass off, and tell the whole goddamn world that I AM A WRITER, AND I EXIST.

It’s time to join the revolution.

Progress on Kindle and Concept Art

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I’m back. Great vacation- got some good time with the lovely wife and some good times at a massive theme park. Enough of that, let’s get into the shit right away.

Before  post concept art, I want to tell you all something. I bit the progress bullet, stopped being a whiny bitch, and opened my Kindle account for selling my books. If you’re at this stage, you can click on this link. It was painless, and now? I can start uploading m’shit. And you’ll all be the first ones to know when I do. Setting up a Kindle publishing account is easy as fuck. It’s just like setting up an e-mail account. Also, make sure you have your social security card ready, too.

Alright, with that exciting (for me at least) announcement out of the way, I wanted to continue with the explanation of plasmatic weapons in TCoU:Blestemul. While I was forty thousand feet in the fuckin’ air, I came up with some pretty solid diagrams as to how actual rifle would look. The first picture (the one below) is an outdated version of what the weapon would look like. However, its parts are all current. You see, in Urth, there are bizarre new elements formed after the cataclysm. These elements allowed the technology for such energy weapons to exist (I will cover ALL the elements I “invented” in a later entry). Enough. Here’s the art:

These are the basic parts to what a standard E.A. rifle would look like. I didn’t think the look of the weapon felt right, though. It looked too…primitive. Too…fragile. Basic. I mean, pick an adjective it just don’look right. So, I tweaked it and came up with a final concept for a basic E.A. weapon found all over Urth. Take a look at this shit:

Much better. Here, I detailed the furniture of the weapon rather than the actual internal mechanisms n’ shit. A protruding barrel didn’t make any sense to me, along with a defined seating for the weapon’s guts. So, I made an all inclusive model that keeps everything contained, controlled, and monitored. I made it look more futuristic (for lack of a better term) to satisfy any sci-fi tech cravings I had at the time. I also included some specs on the weapon itself, like rate of fire, projectile effective range, and so-on.

Honestly? I’ve been trying to develop a competent weapon like this since I was 12. I am 26 now. Only recently did I find the real science and facts I needed to mutate and bend to my will. It ain’t easy being inside my head, and I don’t say that because I think I’m special or unique. I say that because I have O.C.D., or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Ideas, worries, thoughts, they are always smashing around in my skull, and the urge to constantly improve my fiction and make the ideas I present inside my work as plausible causes me to create something like this. Sometimes, I think talent is just another word for obsession. Do I consider myself talented? No. I’ve always seen myself as someone that loves the creative process so much, that I can’t stop doing it. Is that talent? Okay then. I’m talented. But I think a more appropriate term would be obsessed.

Alright then, another post down. I want FEEDBACK. You. Fucking. Tools. Speak up! Good and bad critique (as long as its constructive) will be read, considered, and responded to. Don’t be silent. Tell me I suck, or tell me I’m awesome, as long as you have an actual path of reasoning behind your opinion, I will not ignore it.