Publishing on Kindle: The Beginning

Okay! I got all the shit ready to go my friends, and hopefully, by the end of this week, my book will officially be on Kindle, ready to purchase.

The lowdown is you sign up for a Kindle account, and just upload your damn book in an accepted file format and away you go. Here is the step by step guide that I found on the Amazon/Kindle website: Guide Ahoy!. After that, you must decide how much you’re going to charge for this bad boy. Me? I’m keepin’ it cheap. I want to sell this book for 3.00 USD. I think that is pretty damn fair for a 118,000 word novel (no I am NOT bragging). Here’s a price guide.

I want people to be able to get my book at a modest price. If they have a Kindle, then they can afford three bucks, you know? After I get it uploaded, I’m going to market the book. That’s what I wanted to touch on today. I have many ideas, but I have a few in practice that work well. Here are some of the things I am doing:

1. Get a website with your registered name. Mine is Not, or any silly shit like that. Pay for it, and do it. I chose the blog format for how I want to contact my readers/peers. You can do whatever you want.

2. Get a twitter account and update it. A LOT. Here’s mine: Twitter! Decide what type of stuff you want to tweet about. I like to comment on current issues as well as helping unknown revolutionaries like ourselves get recognized (I’m no celebrity. I’m operating under the principle every little bit helps). I also tweet about writing tips, publishing tips, social media tips. Don’t follow my path. Forge your own! You have the power to create whatever you want.

3. Get a Facebook page linked to a profile. Here’s mine: Facebook! I use it as an outlet for updates on the blog, or linking to other pages that are involved in my cause/industry. Be available. People want to know what you’re doing, and how often you’re doing it. Deliver it to them as much as you’re comfortable with.

That’s a good starting point. I’ll upload another blog entry once my book is ready for sale. Get motivated! Finish/start that novel!


The Finished Product: Geneslave Ready for Kindle

It went VERY well. I am so pleased, I don’t even know what to do with myself. I replaced what I needed to replace, and I made the text look all shiny. I feel like such a big boy!

Anyway, the next step from here is uploading this mutha to Kindle so I can unleash my creation u’pont the world. Then, the marketing. I can’t just sit back and wait for people to by my book. I have to put the word out, and make people know that I exist. Which is exactly what I have been doing WAAAAAY before I even started to convert my lowly word document into HTML.

I won’t get into marketing now, however. It’s not time yet. I’m going to start looking as to how to upload, how I get paid, and how people will buy my creations. My plan is to make it affordable, so that anyone with a Kindle (I know this sounds funny- if you got the dough for a Kindle, you can probably buy a hardcover, but fuck it) can buy it. I’m not gonna jack the price up to $10.99, or any shit like that. Well, at least I don’t want to. I don’t know what Kindle can do yet, but I want to keep it low cost.

I plan to make reading fun again, fun for everyone. I feel that the writing industry has been…poisoned as of late, and I plan on being the antidote. What about you? Are you poison?

It was rhetorical, don’t cry. When I get further in this process, you are DAMN straight that I will post my process step by step as much as I can. Start cleanin’ up your manuscripts you mother fuckers.

It’s time to get published.

Final Formatting Tricks for Kindle


Alright, after calming down from my last tirade, Geneslave looks pretty good right  now. I just finished formatting it for Kindle, so we’ll see how that goes. I am actually afraid to put all that hard work into Kindle Previewer to see it fucked up right now, so I’m going to wait. Get pissed if you want, that’s what I’m doing.

So far, I’ve read my book…five times, editing each time. I don’t want you to be frustrated, but I want you to work hard on your novel. Here are some formatting tips I’ve learned from Paul Salvette, the guy that did those Youtube videos I posted in my previous entry (23 November 2011). First, turn on all editing marks. You know, where it shows you all the tabs, paragraphs, spaces. All that shit. The button, if it’s on your word processor, typically looks like a paragraph mark.

Then, select your ENTIRE text and then use the REPLACE function on your processor. Next to find what, you’ll have to find the symbol for a manually entered tab character. I think Salvette mentions it in one of his videos. Find it yourself man. If you’re too lazy, you have no business writing and entire fuckin’ book. Anyway, just leave the REPLACE WITH section blank to delete them all. They look like arrows on the document, the manual tabs.

Next, re-select your entire document again, and use the tab stop at the top of your word processor’s ruler. It’s the top minature arrow on the ruler. Put that sucker on the half-way mark between no inches, and 1 inch. Now, you’re document is indented the big boy way, and Kindle won’t cry about the format when you convert it.

Return to your REPLACE function is your word processor (god bless the kind soul that put this function in). Delete ALL manual page breaks (same method as above) and start the document from fresh, putting page breaks in-between the title page, the copyright page, the T.O.C. (if you have one) and in-between chapters, sections, or whatever. ALWAYS use a manual page break when starting a new chapter, or section, or whatever format your book has.

Finally, do one more proofread of your WHOLE novel and delete any funny tabs, or double returns between paragraphs.

I did all of that in about…an hour and twenty minutes. I already proofread the thing, that took HOURS. But the final touches really don’t take that long. So. I’m going to go and look at it in the Kindle Previewer tomorrow and see what comes out.

It should be pretty obvious if it was good or bad if you look at my next entry’s title.

Kindle Formatting Frustrations

I have never run into a bigger load of fuckin’ horsehshit in my entire life.

Formatting my cocksuckin’ book for muthafuckin’ Kindle has been as joyful as popping hemroids with a flamin’ needle and then jamming said needle into the tip of my cock and blowing my nose into my own ass. It’s fuckin’ unbelievable all the shit you have to go through to get this motherfucker published. It’s insane. Sure, it’s easy to upload the god damn file to Kindle. But. You gotta format that motherfucker first.

Fortunately, there are some kind souls out there that have posted guides. You can find a whole host of them on YouTube. Here are just a few: Part One, Part Two, Part Three (thanks Paul Salvette!).

I didn’t know that I had to learn HTML, and CSS, and WEEWEE5, and DICKSHIT8-2.0. Turns out I did. I’m not giving up, though. Oh no. No sir. Not fuckin’ givin’ this shit up. It has become waaaaaaaaaaaaay too personal for me to walk away now.

Oh, things try to stop me. This keyboard, for instance? I have to rail the FUCK out of the spacebar to insure that I get a space between my words. My hard drive? If I touch it, it disconnects and reconnects. Lotsa shit like that happens, but I am not stopping. No. No fuckin’ way.

I don’t givea good flopping fuck what shit this whole process throws at me. I’ll deal with it all. I was excited to get my book on Kindle post haste, but it turns out I have a VERY long way to go. I’m going to juggle publishin’ my shit, and update this fuckin’ blog with the new book I’m writing. I will try an keep myself from punching my dick through my computer monitor in sheer fuckin’ rage while slamming my own fist into my ass because I hate m’damn self. Stay with me motherfuckers, cuz’ it’s gonna get a whole lot FUNNIER from here on out.






My Amateur’s Guide to Publishing on Kindle


Alright, so I’ve started to convert my book (Geneslave) to a readable format for Kindle. I’m still working out the kinks, but I will be able to upload it and sell it very soon. I’m going to list this shit step by step as best I can. If you have questions, ask me. I will answer them the best I can. Anyway, here’s what I did.

Before you do anything, you gotta make sure that your book will even look right on a Kindle. Go to this webpage. It will tell you what it has to look like. I did what it told me to do by eliminating headers and footers, having the correct title page and copyright page (go to this link to find out what a proper copyright page should look like. Thank you Camilla Chafer!). Then, you gotta make sure you’re using automatic indents that your word processor has. You can’t use tab, or for the love of SHIT do NOT use manual spacing. It looks terrible.

Now that your word file is all Kindlefied, you must convert it to a wepage format so Mobipocket can convert it to a file that Kindle can understand. I’ll explain what Mobipocket is later. In your word processor, you must save the file as: WEBPAGE, FILTERED. It’s best if you save it to your desktop so you know where it is easily. That’s what I did. With that ready, it’s time to download Mobipocket to get your book ready.

Go to this webpage to download Mobipocket, which is a free program that will convert your book into a file type that Kindle can utilize. Once you have it installed on your computer, open it on up. Remember the first webpage I directed you to? Scroll down. It has ALL the instructions you need to build your book. Did you follow the instructions? Good.

Once build, sit on your new creation. You gotta download one more program here. Make sure you download the file under the title: Download Kindle Previewer 1.61. I picked the wrong one by accident and I had to open command prompts, cast spells, shoot lasers, it was a fuckin’ disaster.

This program is made so you can take a look at your book’s presentation when it’s on Kindle and ready to be purchased. Once again, go to the first webpage link I posted in this blog  to find out how to use the Kindle Previewer. If it looks good…well I don’t know. Mine looked like shit. HA!

I’m going to have to re-do the way my book looks a little bit in order to make it look better on Kindle. I’ll definitely post my steps, struggles, and triumphs so you don’t have to face them. If you know a 100% surefire way to make a book look good on Kindle, PLEASE. Do not keep these secrets to yourself. Share them here. I will publish it on the blog and give you credit.

Stay right here! I’m so CLOSE!

How close are you?

Finishing Geneslave

Been awhile.

I’ve decided to postpone releasing Backward Epiphany and finish up proofreading Geneslave. And that’s exactly what I did. Geneslave is ready to go, and it will be the first book I publish. I can admit it. Backward Epiphany is not as strong as Geneslave, and I want to start out with a good head of steam, right?

Anyway. I wanted to talk about Geneslave and how I feel about it. It was a blast to write it, and it was a blast to re-read it to proofread. I remember the fight scenes the most. And please don’t think that I’m gloating, or flexing my writing muscles. This is literally an author that is happy with what he created.

My heart would pound, I would lean in, start breaking a sweat. I knew what was gonna happen. I wrote the frickin’ book, but I still found myself loving the story, and loving the characters. Refining it with the proofreading, it was a labor of love. It truly was. I knew that whatever I did to make this book better for the reader would make me a better author. I consider entertainment a very serious matter. If I write something, and it fails to entertain the reader, or it insults their intelligence, I have failed. Failed miserably.

I will not fail. I’ve come to far to fail, so when I finish proofreading a book, it’s not because I “want to get it over with”. I want it the best it can fucking be to make sure I can entertain as many people as possible. Money is gravy. I have a job already, this isn’t supporting me. Financially.

I can’t wait to get this thing on the market for Kindle, and when I do, I will list my steps in detail. I may have to omit personal information. I don’t know yet, but I plan on being as open as possible. Publishing my own book has never been closer in my entire life, and I’m anxious again. Jittery. I can’t wait.

Sometimes, though, I do have a fear of completion. Self-sabotage, kinda. It’s very strange. I feel sometimes like I want to keep the book hidden not for fear of ridicule. Just…that’s how I feel. It’s stupid, and if writing this blog and starting this literary revolution has taught me anything, I will never let my fears and anxiety stop me from doing what I love doing. And it should be the same for you.

Lemmie know. Ever have finisher’s anxiety? How did you feel about publishing a piece? Finish a piece? Hell, writing a piece? I want you input.

The Wrong Cover Letter

       Here’s a bit of humor for ya. This is the cover letter I wish I had the guts to send somewhere when I was in college. It’s good for a laugh. Enjoy:


Dear Sir or Fucking Madam:

 I am writing for inquisition of my piece Fuck Your Mother (word count: 559,006.334) for submission in the literary journal, We’ll Never Take yer Shit.

I am aware that the acceptance rate for new authors is negative 10 percent, and I am also aware that if I have some kind of shiny badge or award, I will be accepted into your shitty anus of a journal, so I would just like to say that I ain’t got shit for awards, and this letter will fall on deaf ears.

Fuck Your Mother is a literary non-fiction psychological romance thriller that begs the question: Why are literary magazines filled to the brim with shit? It answers by saying that no matter how much I write, I will need some kind of acceptance or award in order to be submitted into other literary journals, and I will need a whole godamn PILE of literary awards  in order to get an agent for my novel, Suck my Metaphorical Dick.

            It’s funny that I noticed this trend of crap and how it smells up my life with ridiculous reasons and austere and pompous attitudes. Just because my work isn’t accepted into fucking Glimmertrain or The Black Warrior Review, doesn’t mean my work is bad.

            It just means that it doesn’t have a shiny award.

            This goes for millions of other writers out there, some who get so fucking discouraged that they stop writing, and decide to get some shit job working late in order to finish their play which will never been seen by anyone.

            Also, I will have a college degree very soon, but will wind up working in a fucking Wal-Mart because let’s face it- if you got a degree in English, you basically have a degree in poverty.

            So, I’ve essentially wasted my money which is my fault, and I am wasting my time, which is your fault because I know damn well that this will be overlooked and scrapped because “I am an emerging writer fresh out of college and I am hungry to learn about the business of writing”, blah blah FUCKING blah.

            Thank you for your time (not really) and consideration (rejection) for my piece Fuck your Mother. It has been an anal-retentive joy to write this shitrag, and I hope you all burn in Hell for what you do to young, good writers and their drive to EXSIST!


Blow me,



     When I wrote this, I’d about had it with the publishing industry and its bullshit. I laughed my shlong off when I went back to read it, but when I wrote it? It was liberating. Try it one day. Write a cover letter that totally expresses your frustrations and anger. Share it here, I’d love to read it.

The Kindle Approach

     Gathering all my energy, I have prepared myself for what lies ahead.

     Backwards Epiphany is ready to go. Now, I begin the process of getting the full body of work into a document that Kindle accepts, as well as a format. This is a confusing process at first. I must say, I hate this aspect of the business. I’d rather just write and let someone else take care of the details, but I’m doing this on my own steam. Nothing is going to stop me, least of all myself. Sometimes, that’s the biggest obstacle, I swear to God.

     Anyway, I did some research on uploading to Kindle. Here’s a handy link I found: I’m excited. Antsy. Scared. I’ve never published a novel before. I’ve been published once, and I even won a contest with a short story of mine, but this is something…different. It’s genuinely frightening, but with that fear comes a wave of excitement. I’m not quite sure which beats which.

     There are some familiar pieces that I noted, like special document extensions, or formats, but I love how do it yourself it is. Some literary agents and publishing houses won’t even look at your manuscript if there is a minor error. I’m not talkin’ about submitting a manuscript in Comic Sans and in different colors. I’m talkin’ about the wrong fuckin’ margins. I digress, nevermind. I don’t mind adhering to format as long as there is room for error. Whatever, I screwed myself up.

     Formatting, files, royalties, agreements. It’s all screaming around in my head, bumping into the sides of my skull and back again. In the chaos of a fragmented mind like mine, it becomes a din of noise. Noise that only I can hear. Songs, lyrics, commercials, ideas, worries, pains, voices, phrases. It’s a mishmosh of madness, but I am learning to focus, and to drown out the ambiance and focus on what’s important.

     Forgive my rant. I’m just really excited and anxious, and I want others to share that feeling with me. Ever publish something? How did you feel? Have you ever published through Kindle? Let me know, I’d like to get a discussion going.