Author Archives: TheDisfigured

Twisted Emotions Change Books

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These last few weeks have been…trying. I make no apologizes for the things I’ve neglected. Including myself and this blog, my mind has been elsewhere. Sandy shoved a fist in many people’s holes last week, and fortunately, all she did to me and my wife was some light BDSM. Needless to say, I’ve been elsewhere.

I have been writing though. But I’ve noticed something more and more as I progress in life and work on books and other pieces. My emotions and state of mind drastically alter what happens in my books, and what I’m willing to do to the reader and/or characters. Maybe I’m just having a little dick power trip, maybe I’m an artist, I don’t fuckin’ care/know. All I know is I want to write more when I’m in the shit, and what I write gets affected.

Violence and cruelty show up more in my work. I also notice an inability to write good dialogue, and a nagging itch to get to the next action sequence, or fight. Good moods produce good dialogue and shitty storytelling sometimes. Bad moods cut straight to the chase. I am a man of little patience and low self worth, so maybe it’s my own pathetic way of bullying a situation into something I can dominate and have control over. Hell, as long as what I write is good, who cares?

That’s not for me to judge. Is it?

Often I wonder what “famous” books would have turned out like if the author was a different person, or pissed off when writing a certain chapter. Often I wonder if book would have been better, or worse. Often I wonder…too often. What does your storytelling tell you?

 

Dark Dreams

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I dreamed of it again.

Every once and awhile, I am reminded of the swirling darkness and the pool of souls we float in call the physical plane. I’ll see it, an outside being, an interloper. In my dreams, I can feel the thing staring right through me, a judgement. Upon waking, I can feel those eyes still on me, and I have difficulty determining where I am in dream, or where I am awake. Am I awake? Now, I am. But many hours ago I wasn’t so sure.
Night blurred together into morning. I could feel it standing in my room still, I know its there, and I know that it’ll be waiting for me when I return home. What is this thing? A reminder that humans are little sacks of bloated meat- living, fucking, farting, and dying.

I can barely recall what it looked like. It’s appeared to me before, you know. It took the form of an ebony man, emaciated with cruel eyes. I could feel the malice, I could feel a terrifying awe at the yawning abyss that I was staring into. I can feel it when I sleep, I can feel it watching me. Gripping my dream now, clutching at fast flowing sand. I can’t remember. I can’t remember the form it took last night, but I can feel what it was, and my mind fills in the rest with a form I can comprehend.

I keep coming back to the ebony man. Stern and unyielding. I have had other dreams, too. Ones of death and corruption. Blood. I would go back to the darkest of times in my life in these dreams, and I would be front and center when people would die. Ever feel pain in a dream? I do all the time. Pain that actually reflects to the injury I receive in the dream.

I dreamed of men and women throwing themselves upon giant saw blades in a lonely logging forest when the season of suicide was ripe. I could feel their pain as they died. I saw myself as one of them, watching myself scream out towards them to stop, but it was too late before i could change my mind’s mind. I would be shredded by the circular saw blades, the frustration of not being able to out dodge them and the pain of being sliced to shreds.

I felt pain last night as well. I don’t remember what it was from, but I knew that IT had something to do with it. I am a Shaman. I am immature, and impure. I believe it may be the path I must walk, and I fear for the corruption I have allowed into myself. I have always heard of Shaman being mental warriors, strong of will and wise. Pure, untouched, exuding wisdom. I believe that I am a twisted Shaman, corrupted by my own hate and anger, my fetishes. Masturbation, copulation, over-indulgence, intoxicants, lies, anger, anger, anger.

My still waters are deep and dark. I am not evil. I am not a bad person. I am not a bad ass. What I am is corrupted. I believe that this corruption allows me to exist in a place where I have a unique position where I can out flank others on the perspectives of humanity, life, and death. I will never be a villain, but it is ignorant of me to think that my struggles haven’t changed me.

I am corrupted. Tainted.

Something, I fear, that I will have to learn to accept. It visits me more than I’d like. I know it’s there. I know it. But there is nothing I can do against it. Perhaps because I don’t want to. This corruption I allowed into myself might have allowed other things to tag along with it.

I can feel its malice. And sometimes, I can understand it. I can understand the ways of a good man, and I can understand the ways of a bad man. I am selfish. I also wish this was a short story, or a creative narrative. But it’s not. No, it is not.

Final Concept Art for Spek- Totem Sledge

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Hello again.
Just finished my new character Spek’s main weapon- the totem sledge.  Here’s the pic, and the explanation will be below:

Okay, so a totem sledge is a special ritualistic weapon that is very typical in Groar culture (at roughly 300-500 lbs, only a Groar can wield it anyway.). It can mean many things to many different Groars. Sometimes, a single totem sledge can mean one thing to a group, or many things for all Groars. Think of it as an ambiguous symbol of authority, or an abstract book. Anyway, dominant and powerful Groars typically  have the most grand totem sledges, adorn and well made. As ornate as some can get, make no mistake. It can be torn off the mantle and used to smash the owner’s enemies. Typically, a family can have a totem sledge (like a coat of arms), or a city, or a tribe, or a village, etc.

If there is a task that must be completed, sometimes Groars will use the totem sledge in said task. As a rule, totem sledges can be cleaned, but  not repaired. Scars and marks tell the weapon’s, and the owner’s tales, and the sign of a good totem sledge is one that can last for many many battles. When it breaks, a new totem sledge is often made from remains. But, a totem sledge can be created in any way an individual chooses.

Alright, that’s the end.

Final Concept Art: Spek

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Well, waiting for you shit sniffers to actually say something is like waiting for a slug to crawl out of my bowels, so I went ahead and did whatever the fuck I wanted to do. For those of you that are playing the home game, this is Spek, a new character that I created in the world of Urth. He’s a Groar, and an agent of an organization that strives to mix the cultures of City Groars (modern, socialized, organized) and Tribal Groars (secretive, wild, primitive) so that both “sects” of his people can learn and grow from one another. Here’s his picture:

Yeah, he dosen’t have balls cuz he’s pseudoreptilian. All his shit flops out of a cloaca.

I’m tired. That’s all for today.

Help Create a Character: Spek

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Hello all.

Okay, so I’m in a place in my book where my characters are really starting to take shape and develop personalities other than the ones I’ve given them, and usually as I write, I like to create how they would look in my head. Until now, I’ve only posted sketches and rough ideas for any characters that I’ve created, but I’d like to get some input from someone other than myself (because my ideas may suck for all I know) in order to help make this book a reality. I’m going to post some concept art of a character that I’ve introduced in the book- Spek. He’s a Groar male that is dedicated to the assimilation of Groar culture regardless of societal differences.  He is like a lot of Groars- quick to anger, quick to help, quick to forgive, violent. But he is refined, intelligent, generous, kind, and noble. If you look below, you’ll see some of the concepts that I’ve been throwing around for him. Once you’re done with that, I have another favor to ask.

Okay, so that’s what I have. Not so good. That favor that I was asking you for- tell me how you think he would look based on the feel you get from his role in the story. Here are some excerpts of his lines from TCoU: Blestemul.

1. “One screeched and ran forward. Spek clenched his jaw and stepped to the side, dodging the first swipe with the creature’s machete. A huge strike with Spek’s right claw nearly ripped the creature’s jaw off. It fell, and Spek slammed his foot into its stomach, make his foe fly backwards into the swamp. He heard the monster smash into a tree and fall silent.”

2. ““Looking at your surroundings, reading enemy minds, feeding you intel. You’ll have to do everything else though. Spek tightened his grip on the totem sledge. “That’s fine.” His eyes stopped glowing, the light falling into the dark pools of gleaming tar.”

3. “Me? I educate tribals. It’s a personal endeavor of mine, I want my people to be united or at least understanding of one another. City Groars are accepting of different senitents, but tribals are isolated, and scared. All tribals are good people, they’re just misinformed about the outside world.” Spek clapped a hand on the chief’s shoulder. The Chief held a smile back, his eyes giving way to blue. Other Groars followed suit.”

I know a lot of this is outta context, so if you have questions, lemmie know. If this thing goes well, I’ll do it for all my characters. I think it would be pretty godamn terrific if I I got some help developing characters, and I would love to hear your suggestions and ideas. Please, tell me what you think! Help me make a good character.

Character Concept Art and More

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As I trudge through the swamps of Urth with my mind and mouth open, I decided that I’d like to introduce you to a character of mine. Well, two to be exact. I refer to Alistar and Kone and Jala a lot, but if you’re not reading the book, you’re prolly a lil’ lost. So I’ve decided that I want you to meet a few of my characters before we continue on. The first picture is a quick and rough sketch of Alistar Crowne, the main good guy in the novel. Take a look:

 

This is how I basically wanted him to look. He’s got muscle, but he’s definitely got fat, too. I wanted him to be imperfect. He gets winded. He get’s discouraged. He gets angry. I also changed his appearance a little more too. I didn’t want him to have dark hair any longer, so I changed it to dirty blonde. It’s also a little bit longer in the novel, and his frame is bigger. He’s more of a graceless bruiser than a agile duelist. I added a gut too because I have a gut, and I still get around. Except for the hair color and length, if you’re still doing the math, I modeled his figure after my own because well. It’s easier to understand and write about something that you live. I rarely make characters that are perfect. They always have a problem, or something they don’t like to talk about. Not a secret mind you (some do, some don’t), but something they’ve done that they’re ashamed of, or the like.

Another thing that can be important when developing a character regardless of what genre you find yourself in is giving dimension. There are many ways to give dimension to a character, such as hobbies, speech patterns, how they interact with the living beings around them, how they approach/solve problems, etc. My favorite way? Have a good character do something out of character. Like commit a rape, murder, or theft. Alistar has plenty of things he doesn’t like to talk about, but he does anyway because his personality, and his conscience, won’t let him stay silent. He’s boisterous, intelligent, and jovial. He can also be cruel, savage, and merciless. It’s all about dimension. Also, I like to illustrate what I find strong about the character obtusely. Try having them do something a certain way that forces readers to look inbetween the lines. Do you have any tricks or tips you could share? I’d love to hear em’, trust me. I’m always learning. Anyway, Alistar’s best buddy is a man named Konemies, or Kone for short. He’s an Ironsoul- an individual who is part machine, part organic lifeform. Here’s some concept art for this fine gentleman:

He and Alistar go way back, and because of Alistar’s less than subtle push for free reconstructive surgery after a particularly nasty occurrence, Kone has become more human than man. That also means he has a lot of tricks up his sleeve, such as night vision, GPS map overlay, numerous engineering, maintenance, and weapon attachments to his mechanical arm, and so on. He used to be a terrific engineer- truly gifted with knowing the intricacies of machines, computers, and electronics. Just because, however, he doesn’t do this as a formal job any more, doesn’t mean he doesn’t do it at all. He is truly a gearhead, both physically, and metaphorically. Because of everything Alistar and he have gone through, he will follow his buddy to the ends of the Urth and back. I was thinking of maybe having them maybe be together as a homosexual couple in their past, but I’m not sure if I wanna do that yet.

Last but not least, I thought it might be good to show you where this epic yarn will be taking place. Below is a map that details that starting area, and explains the total area, of where the story takes place. Right now, they are in the volcanic swamps just past the Great Gash Mountain Pass. Take a look:

This map is only a lil’ outdated. I’ve changed a few things around since I drew this thing, but the basic gist of it remains the same. Alright then, I’ve about had it for today. Tell me what you think, give me your comments, all that bullshit. Bye bye.

Swamps of the Damned and the Groar

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I’ve been waiting to write about this place all my life, to be honest. In one way or another, the next scene of my book was always going to be created because it was always a part of me. Our characters are navigating the darkest and most primeval swamps in this sector of Urth. Largely uncharted, it has one main path carved through it to the Groar capitol, and then on to Blunt on the other side (Blunt is a massive city in the book, think twice the size of NYC).

Bizarre creatures lurk within the black waters and foreboding shadows. Because of the dense canopy of vines, mosses, and leaves, it always looks like dusk inside the swamp until nightfall, where it is virtually pitch black. Cruel sentient creatures, called Lazgah, make their home in the swamps, along with a whole host of other deadly flora and fauna that make the entire place a huge deathtrap if you don’t have a guide to show you the way. Carnivorous plants, quicksand, deep fields of black tar-mud, active volcanoes, dangerous animals, bandits, smugglers, gangs, all take refuge in the unknown parts of the swamp. Here’s some art depicting some strange life forms our heroes will run across:

Lazgah weapons are at the top, but if you look at the lower right hand corner of the page, you’ll see a bizarre plant in bloom. Yes, those are teeth on its petals, and teeth line its massive saw palmetto like leaves down to the base of the plant. It grows between 7 to 8 feet from the base, but is not carnivorous. The teeth act as little tiny armor plates that help reenforce the tough outer skin of the thick and succulent petals.  To the left of the massive bloom, you’ll see plants that are a mix between amphibian and flowers. They are plants that utilize frog-like eyes, and are capable of watching things that pass by. They don’t really see too well, as they don’t have a brain, but basic visual data gets fed into the plant that tells it when to retreat its stalk, and when to stay vigilant. Don’t forget the massive snake, either. Huge and venomous. Think…anaconda with poison glands the size of gallon jugs. It not only bites, but constricts, making sure its prey dies quickly.
Our travelers also meet a Groar named Spek who helps them on their journey. Spek is a Groar that is on a mission to educate tribal Groars (individuals who live outside of the civilized world) in order to preserve their way of life, and to help understand life outside of the swamp. He’ll be showing up later in the story with a Totem Sledge, a special Groar weapon that is used in rituals, and it actual combat. It stands 6 feet tall, and weighs over 300 lbs. Take a look:

I also included a common Groar assault rifle, utilize a special cartridge that really tears into organic targets. Groar weapons are massive, powerful, and spectacularly ornate.

I’m fallin’ asleep I’m so tired. I’m gonna end this. As always you tight-lipped fucks, give me some feedback.

Lazgah Concept Art

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Almost a hundred and fifty pages into TCoU:B, and the characters are moving towards the dangerous swamplands of the Groar and Lazagah people.  This book is one of the slowest I’ve ever written. Although not boring, I will admit that it can be a little dry. But this is a large tale to tell, and as anyone who has read a 1000 page plus fantasy novel, it takes a good chunk of time before the fuckin’ wonder begins.

Anyway. Our heroes are leaving the canyon where the Creature was found. After a merciless slaughter of evil men and women by the demonic reach of Blestemul, they continue on into the bizarre volcanic swamps, headed towards a Groar capitol, and then beyond. We’ve already discussed Groars here, but not the Lazgah are sentinents, true, but are too savage to be included in any type of modern society. Intelligent, but mostly in an instinctual and predatory sense, they have a basic language but mostly operate in tightly knit and organized troops. They are semi-amphibious, but don’t breathe through their skin. Heavily muscled, they have a bizarre anatomy the defies nature. Here’s a picture of some rough concepts:

And a closeup of the type of head I chose:

 

 

A few more concepts of the actual anatomy of a Lazgah:

 

They are adept scavengers and can often reverse engineer, or re purpose scavenged materials or technology. They can make surprisingly sophisticated weapons, favoring a super compressed blowgun tailored to exploit the advantages of having massive and powerful lungs. These darts are tipped in lethal poisons collected from creatures dwelling in their natural habitat. They are fond of throwing weapons, using their profound strength to throw such projectiles with incredible speed and force, far more than some human schmuck with a throwing knife. They will often utilize umbracells as volatile grenades, and as devastating traps. Here’s some concept art detailing Lazgah weapons:

 

And finally, some more advanced weapons found in the hands of Lazgah soldiers:

 

 

Okay, I’ll leave you with that. Got any questions? Comments? You know what to do.

The Creature in the Mountain Pass

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I’ve reached a point in my story where I like to answer questions that the reader may have in an indirect way. I prefer to disguise these points in the ignorance of my characters. They ask the questions, and I find a way to answer them for everyone. It is annoying. It is not easy. And sometimes, it doesn’t work. But, when it does, it ties shit together nicely in a lil’ package I can call my own. Anyway, here’s the shit.

The characters of the story, Alistar, Jala, and Kone are all headed towards the next scene. And yes, I’m isolating those who read this by not explaining anything further on these characters, nor why they’re together, or what they’re doing. It’s on purpose. Anyway, they’re all headed towards the next scene, when Alistar gets separated from the group via a powerful and ancient being. The beast is never named, nor his species. He has fantastic powers and incredible stories to tell Alistar, many that validate humanity’s existence on the one in a billion shot we call Earth.

I wanted to create a being that didn’t make any sense. Creatures created out of the imagination are often based on things that we have seen before. Humanoid creatures, where eyes belong, head, tail, symmetry. You know. I thought in a different way. And I am not ashamed that I was inspired to break out of the way I normally create fictional beings because of Philip Pullman and his works.He created a species of creatures that defied symmetry and that’s what I sought out to do.

I tend to warp things. Twist them. The world is too normal, and it needs a dark slant, a sticky, sweaty mutation deep in the corners of the sane mind. So, I came out with this initially:

But that made too much sense. I decided to alter the creature more, and recently I came up with its final form. Take a look at this shit:

Much better. There is some symmetry, yes. But I mixed shit up in ways I had forgotten about. This being, this creature, is the link that provides a foundation for the rest of Alistar’s (the main character) motivations throughout the story. I had to make this fucker unique, and hopefully I didn’t fail.

What about you? Ever create somethingentirely out of your own head? Your own creature? Being? Race? I would love to know how you did it, and what it is. Don’t be shy. We’re all freaks here.

P.S.: This entry is short because I started to feel pompous when I was writing it. I wanted to stop my mind diarrhea before I started sounding like those I despise.

Deletion as a Freeing Edit Move

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I delete massive pieces of my work quite often.

I look back at what I wrote, and I find myself disgusted with my mediocrity. The way I remedy this is by removing myself from the piece and looking at it like I wasn’t its creator. I just wrote several pages of TCoU:B, and I realized they were all shit. I was bored reading them, and I was bored writing them. I was anxious to continue to the next part because I had set up the next part so well, but instead, I used a cheap cliffhanger trick that thousands of authors/writers (same?) use before me.

FUCK cliffhangers.

I deleted the shitty reading device and spat on its fuckin’ grave. I liquidated the filth from my body of work and watched it swirl the toilet bowl where shit belongs. I’m delving right back in where I want to be. Fuck, I figured if I as an author hated the cliffhanger I wrote, how would you feel if you read it? Undermined. Betrayed. Patronized. Belittled. Sometimes, delete. Don’t worry about rewriting, don’t worry about any of that shit. If something is garbage, throw it the FUCK out. Don’t give it a second chance. It’ll start to rot and stink, clouded and putrefying all the good writing you have done, and will do.

Anyway, the crew are headed to the story’s next scene, and they encounter a being that. Well. Why should I tell you?

I’ll post concept art of this being during the next post. As for plot details, I never reveal what I’m writing. I’ll always post concept art, how I arrived at certain conclusions or characters, but I don’t divulge anything else. I’m trying to decide if this practice is narcissistic, or ritualistic.

I’m tired of my own voice in my head so I’m gonna shut the fuck up now.