Life is a cruel joke. One that hides the punchline deep within an individual’s time on earth. So deep, in fact, that one never discovers that they have been the butt of this ridiculous trick.

What do I mean? Observe the pain around you first. Now, understand that you are a part of that pain. Part of that pain is the urge to be unique, to stand out not for the world, but for yourself. What is choice in that matter? What is the choice in that matter? I’ve heard rumors that free will is false, but I never believed it. Perhaps I was not completely correct in my ignorance.

I used to think I had free will.

The choices I make are less for myself and more for those around me. Do I make such choices to place myself at an advantage further down the line? I don’t know. I don’t have the mental capacity to calculate, and if I tried, I would start spiraling.

Want is unimportant in life. I thought that it might have some meaning, perhaps a tiny impact on those around us. But want means nothing. Need means nothing. They are just words that have lost meaning in an already meaningless and wounded society.

Must we all do things we despise?

I’m going to say no. No because there is always another choice, albeit it may not be a good one. If need and want mean nothing unless in the first person, then what is choice? A need? A want? A command?

Pressure goads on, however. One always has freedom of choice, it is merely the restriction placed on such freedom that forces coercion. Friends, family, television, internet, radio, commercials, billboards, playbills, flyers, spam, coupons mailings, names, products, businesses large and small, politicians, clergy (Christian or otherwise), teachers, government, police, bullies, magazines, newspapers, containers, ships, cars, trucks, FOOD, MONEY, SUCCESS, DRUGS, FAILURE, PAIN, PLEASURE, SILENCE,  HATE, LOVE, PRODUCTS PRODUCTS EVERYWHERE, NEVER STOPPING ALWAYS AN ADVERTISEMENT, ALWAYS PRESSURING TO BUY CERTAIN TYPE OF BOX TO ROT IN, FUCK A CERTAIN TYPE OF PERSON, SLEEP ON A CERTAIN TYPE OF MATTRESS, DRINK A CERTAIN TYPE OF ALCOHOL, EAT A CERTAIN TYPE OF FOOD, ALL COMMERCIALS, ALL GUIDING AND DICTATING THOSE READY TO SERVE, ALL BULLYING, PUSHING, THRUSTING THEIR OPINIONS, DESIRES AND WANTS UPON YOU UNTIL YOU ARE RAPED BY THEM, VIOLATED BY THE VERY INDIVIDUALS THAT CLAIM THEY CAN HELP, HELP BUT STILL COLLECT MONEY AND BEND YOUR WILL. They are not here to help you. They are here to control you. Destroy you. Breed you. Sell you.

Free will personifies itself because free will often comes to light regardless of effort or machination. This personification is easily visible in humans- ever see someone stand up for themselves? Another? That’s free will. A conscious choice to break what is thought of as fate, or destiny, or slavery. Perhaps all three are linked?

Do not become as I. Beaten down by my own fears and anger, floating from choice to choice, making decisions and swallowing the regret. Knowing the whole time, however, that there is nothing ahead of it. Nothing ahead of it except another choice I can’t bring myself to care about. And as I regret and suffer in the wake of my lack of free will, as I watch others control me, I know that I was the architect of my own design.